I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize