Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
