I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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