Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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