By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
