I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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