That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
