I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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