I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
