If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
