He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
