i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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