my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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