I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
