Rock
Scissors
Fuck
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
