Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
