there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
