And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
