He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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