dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
