420 ftw
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
