CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
