I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
