I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
