A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
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Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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