I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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