Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
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hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
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Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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