I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
