my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You're like the curious george of whores
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
