I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
