i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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