His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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