Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
