she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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