About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
this will be a night to untag.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
