somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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