a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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