Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
