U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
