So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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