Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
