Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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