is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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