hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
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She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
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I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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