My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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