It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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