We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
