how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
