in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
