Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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