My first STD was from a foam party
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
