i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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