Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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