You're my little dorito
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
