I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
