It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
