Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
