i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
