OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i love accidental penises.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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