Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
