He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
