haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
