He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
