end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
dude. I can hear the air.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
