I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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