that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
