Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
