I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
