All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think my vagina is haunted
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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