First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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